Whenever we play the game with the "Spoon," we always follow these steps:
First, all players choose a card from their own hands. Then, before the cards are revealed, call out "spoon!" and announce the name of any card you would like. Starting from the player to your left, he checks to see if he has this card in his current hand (which of course excludes the card he was about to reveal). If not, the second player checks her current hand, and so on until a player announces they have the card. Take this card, and give the SPOON to the player whose card you took, and all players then reveal their cards simultaneously.
I always thought this was the proper way to play the "Spoon" card, because it prevents you from knowing if a player will or will not play a certain card, such as the "Miso Soup," unless of course if the card that you were asking was already chosen by the player and was about to reveal prior to playing the "Spoon" card.